Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
