thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
