Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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