Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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