just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
