I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
