I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
