God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.