You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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