Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
