The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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