it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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