Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
