thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize