Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
