I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
