Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
