you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
