Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
