this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
