I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
