How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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