i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
NoShamevember. You game?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
