I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
