at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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