well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm both gender and math confused
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
