how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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