I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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