i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
