she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
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Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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