just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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