soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
