Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can text with my tongue
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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