she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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