I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
