I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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