If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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