Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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