i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
