I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
