I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
