Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
FUCK WHALES
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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