Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
