Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
