I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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