Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
