She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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