if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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