You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
