All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
