i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize