I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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