yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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