it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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