So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
no you cant smoke seaweed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
